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Oksana is a Buddist, who sees every human being as equal and deserving respect. This approach enables her to work as a sex assistant.
Is she a prostitute? Not exactly. Oksana gets paid to help disabled people to express their sexuality. She talks openly about the myth of disabled people not needing sex or the discrimination they experience when it comes to sexual encounters. For her patients she is the the only hope for sexual satisfaction.
Oksana, how long have you been a sex assistant to people with disabilities?
I have been working as a sex assistant for about fifteen years, offering sensual touches, massages and physical companionship – in the beginning mainly for people without visible disabilities. Over the years, more and more severely physically disabled men have been among my clients. They are in extreme need of sexual services. So now I mainly work with men and women with multiple disabilities, physical and mental. I have had many different experiences so far. Especially when dealing with people with a cognitive disability, autism spectrum disorders or dementia, I feel challenged because that’s where I have to be most awake, flexible, sensitive and truthful. I also support people who have experienced abuse and are no longer able to establish sexual, sensual contact without fear and disgust, but who still long for it.
Three years ago I started giving public lectures as well as training courses for facility managers and employees or nursing service managers to make them aware of sexual needs of the patients and their dissatisfaction, which often leads to aggressive or auto-aggressive behavior. Over the past few years I have been regularly hired by institutions, residential homes, curative education schools and facilities to conduct interactive lectures and workshops on sexuality and disability or sexuality and age.
How did it all start?
Seventeen years ago I moved to Munich, working odd jobs, such as cleaning houses. One of my clients had an elderly father in a wheelchair, who always tried to touch me. That was my first intensive contact with a disabled person. The client offered me money to massage her dad. At first I refused but then I realized that this man was extremely lonely. So I agreed. He was so extremely grateful for any skin-to-skin contact! His gratitude made me realize how touch-deprived some people are.
That’s when you discovered your calling as a sex assistant for people with disabilities?
Correct. Meeting more and more clients, listening to their stories and helping them feel happy again made me able to face my “fear of contact” and let go. As a sexual companion, I help people with physical or mental disabilities to live something that society does not want to allow them: lust.
How much do you make as a sex assistant?
One hour costs 120 euros, twelve hours 940 euros, one day and one night 1360 euros. I usually see one client per day.
While sexual support in the Netherlands or Sweden is covered by health insurance in some cases, clients in Germany have to pay for it themselves.
Conservative and liberal politicians are divided on whether people who cannot express their sexuality on their own should really be helped. Critics say that one cannot be sure whether people with intellectual disabilities are really participating voluntarily. Andreas Lob-Hüdepohl, scientific adviser to the German Bishops’ Conference, said: “As a matter of principle, sexual intercourse between a sexual companion and a person with a disability is to be rejected because it is a form of prostitution”
Do you agree with that?
Of course not! All those arrogant asses should see the happiness and psychological benefits my work brings to my clients. People with disabilities have a right to sexuality. What I do is so different from ordinary prostitution. But if anyone wants to call me a prostitute, fine with me. I don’t care.
What sexual services do you offer?
A wide spectrum, from massage, physical contact, caressing, hugging and instructions for masturbation. On rare occasions I sleep with my patients, but without oral sex or kissing. For quite a few, such an encounter is the first time in their lives that they have physical/sensual contact with another human being. Some need direct help to learn how to masturbate.
I strive to take everyone who comes to me as he/she is and to make the contact as beautiful and enriching as possible for this person – while being mindful of my own limitations.
Do you get emotionally attached to your sex patients?
Well, I would lie if I said no… I am only human. To be honest, one of my patients became my boyfriend…
Really?! Tell us more about him.
Thomas is in a wheelchair due to a car accident. He studied informatics and now works from home, leading a completely normal life – a life in which one is sometimes aroused and wants to feel someone’s intimate touch.
He has always been shy but the inability to walk made him feel like an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong to the world of flirting and sex. He called escorts twice, but one lady was cold as ice and the other kept lamenting over his “bad luck”, making him feel even worse. And then he discovered my homepage…
Was it love at first sight?
Actually, no. For me he was just another patient to caress, massage and satisfy, or just be close and offer companionship. I would visit Thomas once to twice weekly. Talking to him and seeing him bloom made me incredibly happy. Our sessions provided a place to have new experiences and became an impetus for Thomas to be more joyful, self-confident, balanced and relaxed in the world and at the same time stimulate more self-love.
How does Thomas feel about your works as a sex companion?
He often tells me I am an angel, helping someone who has a disability and wants to be touched. He is not jealous.
You see, before meeting Thomas, I never tried to hide my profession. On first dates, I often said the sentence: “I’m a sex companion.” It scared many guys away. The fact that I also like opera, kayaking, love drinking coffee and can cook like a pro did not matter anymore.
But if a man doesn’t accept my job, then we cannot possibly have a future together.
Do your friends and family members know what you do?
Yes. They think my job is good, moral and well-paid. They often ask questions and then I answer openly.
The fact that clients give me envelopes with money after every meeting makes my folks uncomfortable, but I insist on being treated like a therapist, not a prostitute.
Oksana, thank you so much for this interview! Good luck with your incredible work!
About the author:
Anna Koliber is a psychologist, a dancer and an avid reader of mythology. For almost 20 years, she has performed on theater stages and at numerous festivals. Her passion for ancient myths, dance, Latin music, and opera is reflected in her novels and short stories. Koliber avoids mainstream romance patterns and consciously promotes strong, independent women and men with character. Her debut “Faceless Lover” is based on Greek and Roman mythology.
The author donates all profit from the sale of her book to Polish Humanitarian Action (PAH), a non-governmental organization operating since 1992. By buying her books, you will support humanitarian assistance in impacted communities in Ukraine and surrounding regions where Ukrainian refugees have fled.
#standwithukraine
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