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There are many reasons I love my job, but probably the most important for me in terms of growth is meeting interesting people who remind me that, as much as I think I know, I still have lots to learn. My meeting with Madame M was what I would call surprising on so many levels. She has a Bachelor in Economics, lives in Vienna and she is a Mistress, or more commonly known as dominatrix. Now, I know when people read the last two words, they immediately associate this line of occupation with escort services and anything to do with sex. Well, you are wrong. She will prove you wrong.
Q: What do you want our readers to know about you, apart from the information I have already provided?
A: Well, what I need to add is that I do everything that has to do with passion and I do it with passion. BDSM is an art form, it’s an art of its own.
(This didn’t surprise me because I had heard it before and the explanation was quite similar and absolutely honest.)
Q: You work with people and any job where one deals with people require social and communication skills. What people skills does your work require?
A: That is correct, working with people takes a lot and needs a lot of preparation and knowledge. I am a therapist for these people. They need to relive one more time, or a few more times something bad that happened to them in the past. These are traumas originating from childhood and the way to deal with those traumas is to relive and recreate them.
Q: Do you need to have any educational background for this line of work?
A: After getting my Bachelor, I really wanted to study psychology, but I didn’t. Instead, I did all the levels of a special training for a Mistress with one of the most famous instructors here. She has published a book on the topic, too. I have a certificate, so I am a certified professional. The lessons were two days every month and can take a bit longer, but I learned how to use my woman’s power in any way and especially how to make a man my slave. I also developed skills in working with energy. That is extremely important. When I see a man, I can immediately sense his energy and if it’s not matching mine, if the mood if not good, no, there will be no session. It’s not a thing you do only for money, as most people would say, it’s pleasure and money. Sensing bad vibrations which are not good for me is a no-go. I also need a preliminary talk to assess whether we can do it together. Not just me or just him, but both of us.
Q: What about the rules? Do you establish such at the beginning? The green, the yellow and the red light?
A: As I mentioned, I need to assess his energy vibes and I have to keep doing it all the time when I do different things to him and I have to stop when I sense the energy is going down, when something is not okay for him not just physically, but mainly mentally, because pain is the mind, you know. Recreating a scene has to be done in the perfect way and when that is beginning to falter, I stop. Also, a very important skill for a Mistress in BDSM is to be a good listener.
Q: I suppose you have heard stories with a lot of drama. How do you deal with that?
A: I have heard so many stories, you can never imagine. God, the stories I have heard, I suppose I can write a book of my own. You cannot imagine what fantasies our mind is capable of creating when it comes to sexuality and sexuality based issues. But after a one-hour session, I feel invigorated, reborn, and when I feel the same in the other person, it’s rewarding. They are so grateful and that makes me regenerated on any level – mind and body.
Q: Do you face any judgement from family and friends?
A: No, I don’t. My mother knows what I do, she doesn’t want to know the details and I respect that. There is no judgement from my friends, and most importantly – there is none from my partner. From the very start, I explained to him what a session looks like. I am a classic Mistress, I don’t have sex with my clients, I don’t even touch them with my skin. He has his own quirks, everyone does. He’s into swinger lifestyle and I want him to be honest with me. If he goes swinging, I have to know, I need to know the people. I might go with him, I might not go. I feel free and I need to give him that freedom, I owe him that. People, even when they are a couple, need to have their personal space, know the limits of the other person’s world and respect those. I feel free, he feels free, but that is because we talk a lot, we share.
Q: How do you prepare for a session?
A: If I see a person for the first time, I need to see the space, the room and I can already imagine what I can do. When I meet the person, I know right away if it will happen or not. If everything is okay, I need no preparation; I go into the session free and I use everything. A chair, a door, ways of submission. The first time I did it, I was shaking, I was so nervous, but then I had a great teacher and she told me: “You are perfect! Use everything!” People trust me, and when that is the case, I can do even crazier stuff than they ever imagined. Trust is the most important thing during the session.
Q: If you weren’t in this occupation, what would you do for a living?
A: Anything to do with women’s fashion. I have a boutique in Salzburg, but it’s closed now. I would like to open one in Vienna. In fact, I got into BDSM with my ex-partner. He was my slave, we had a special room for that. I didn’t start doing it for the money, I have money. Later, when we split up, I started doing it on my own. It’s passion, art and naturally, every therapy session costs because one invests so much of themselves.
Q: What do you do in your free time?
A: I do a lot of sports, I spend the free time with my partner and I read a lot. I don’t like love stories. I like reading books which give me more knowledge on human personality and psyche. Anything related to psychology, energy, family constellation, spirituality and such.
Q: You are a woman with self-confidence. How do you achieve that?
A: When body and soul are together, there is no way one should not feel self-confident. My partner is a therapist and we have long, deep, meaningful conversations about our feelings, our craziness, jealousy issues and these talks mean a lot, too. When I was younger, I always wanted to have bigger breasts. I was more sporty and skinny and I dreamt of seeing myself with bigger breasts. I did it now, but not for a man. I did it for me, to feel more like a woman. My ex-partner kept telling me not to do it, but I did it for me. Now I am shooting a documentary for ATV TV about my plastic surgery, about BDSM and everything.
Q: So, would you say that looks matter?
A: You know, with my ex-partner I always had the feeling I was not good enough, not enough. I kept looking for the faults in me. Naturally, it was all in my head. It wasn’t me. But I grew in that relationship. I learned that I need no one to tell me I am pretty. All I need is to look in the mirror and like what I see. I let no one else be the judge of my looks.
Q: What advice would you give to women who struggle with self-confidence?
A: There is this mirror therapy which I practice with such women. When you look in the mirror, find the positive in the way you look, don’t concentrate on what you think is not good enough. Self-perception is in the mind, so these women need to do a lot of self-work and also need assistance from people who care about them.
Q: What is the main thing people get wrong about your job?
A: My occupation is often put in the Red Light District, so to say. We are not sex workers, we are not escorts and we do not have sex with the clients. Sex is in the mind. Everything starts with the mind and ends up there.
I believe it takes a lot of knowledge about peoples’ kinks, what makes them tick, what sets them off, and it’s a totally different story with everyone. Recognizing behavior patterns is a skill which comes not only with practice, but with loads of reading and personal expansion. It takes a lot to give so much of yourself. That alone has earned my deepest respect. Besides, I have always had appreciation for people who have chosen a path in life that gives them satisfaction, makes them happy with what they do, even if that means a certain confrontation on behalf of people who like to label things as “normal” and “not normal”.
–Interview by Geri Decheva
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