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“My wife is a Christian, and she has an affection towards Islam, but is afraid of polygamy”, goes a man’s inquiry in one of the huge Arabic language online portals of religious consultancy. “Please advise me what to do”.
Provocative as it may seem, the question reveals some of the entanglements of the topic that might go beyond the stereotypical images sparkled within the popular imagination of an external Western observer.
Firstly, we need to admit to a terminological mismatch – the very term “polygamy” is usually translated into Arabic by the far more specific ta‘addud al-zawjat, literally meaning “multiplicity of wives”. In case we want to stick to precision, we’d better use polyginy – something far narrower. Yet, the widely spread understanding of polygamy in fact comes down to interpreting it mainly as polyginy. And then again, who has not been tempted by the inevitable connotations surrounding it?
The alluring images of Oriental harems, the secrecy of their life, the realities of the mysterious odalisque, all pervaded by the inevitable licentiousness of a long historically settled-in taboo, the imagined space inhabited by Oriental sheikhs and their obedient, all-time-available female slaves.
But let’s draw the historical line much farther in the past.
Polygamy cannot be associated with the traditional societies of the Middle Eastern Muslims only, its incarnations far surpass Muslim-majority societies. Taking its origin literally – from the Greek πολυγαμία – it means “marrying multiple spouses”.
One woman can marry multiple husbands, known as polyandry. One man can marry multiple wives at one and the same time – and this is precisely the case in point above, defined as polyginy. Many men marry many women at the same time. Or one marries many spouses but only in a row. It can be legal. Can be illegal. Can be practically allowed, as long as monogamy only is allowed legally, with the rest of the partners staying outside the legally endorsed union.
Now, going even farther, studies suggest that it goes as far as the biological making of the Homo Sapiens and seek to ground it in undeniable evolutionary characteristics. Human species, they say, is found to be mildly polygamous. And it usually goes much beyond the mere fact of sex (yes, you can tune down the popular obsession with the topic for a while).
Simple and complex structures of social status and power are brought along, factors related to war and survival strategies. Ways of obtaining more food. Reproduction considerations related to genetic diversity and resilience of future generations. Issues of prestige. African tribal leaders, ancient statesmen, Biblical rulers, patriarchs and kings, all had their fair share in it to the extent that it’s become taken for granted, and mostly conceived as a power symbol.
And then, of course Muslims with the advent of Islam which turned the third monotheistic religion an admittedly generalized symbol of polygamy. Muhammad himself with as many as thirteen wives. The proverbial courts of the caliphs commemorated in the Arabian nights. The steady influx and trade with female slaves from the African or Caucasian areas to foster both the culture of harems and polygynous marriages – those shall not be confused, albeit being somehow connected. With Christianity and Judaism gradually pushing back the practice of polyginy, one still recalls a much more recent example of the Mormon church (“Latter Days’ Saints”) which initially endorsed it. In the USA polygamy was banned as early as 1882, just as it has been in the majority of world’s states, but the look to practice is much more nuanced.
Today only about 2% of the global population lives in polygamous households.
And these 2% somehow are not uniformly spread.
According to a representative Pew forum survey from 2020, polygamy mainly thrives in sub-Saharan Africa. There, 11% of the population lives in arrangements including more than one spouse. It is widespread in a range of countries in West and Central Africa. Muslims in Africa turn out to be more likely than Christians to practice it (25% vs. 3%). Sometimes, however, it is not only Muslims: in Burkina Faso, 45% of adherents to folk religions, 40% of Muslims and 24% of Christians live in polygamous relations. And Chad! – such an outlier in the overall picture, being the only place where Christians are more likely than Muslims to practice it. It becomes very clear indeed that polygamy in most cases means polygyny. Polyandry is much rarer. Many of the countries that look upon it as legal, have Muslim majorities – Afghanistan, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Iran and Egypt. Yes, not a hidden truth that religion often plays a role in that regulation. In Nigeria polygamous (yes, polyginist!) marriage is not allowed on a state level. Yet, the prohibition encompasses civil marriages only while in the northern, Muslim-majority states, these arrangements are looked upon as Islamic or customary marriages.
Yet, what could stay in the background of a possible inquiry as the one at the top of this text?
There must be something behind the veil of merely observing a practice which, in spite of all the legal efforts to uproot it, still staunchly persists. Seems that from its very inception, Islam has endorsed polygyny. Its founder, Muhammad himself, married his first wife, the rich widow Khadidja. Then following her death, in sequence he married twelve more women during his overall life span. As much as the practice of the prophet himself, we have the normative prescription of the Holy Book of Islam, the Qur’an, which really puts the topic hot on the table. The admonition which spurs a whole huge historical stream of tradition, is the one that “marry such women as seem good to you, two, three, four”. This obviously sets the upper limit of wives you might have – up to four. The other position which has become part and parcel of the centuries’ long debate, is ways to treat the maximum permissible number of wives (with Muhammad an obvious exception from the postulated rule). “But if you fear, you will not be equitable, then only one, or what your right hands own; so it is likelier you will not be partial.” And then of course, there is the warning that: “You will not be able to be equitable between your wives, be you ever so eager”.
But let’s see the advice given to our Muslim protagonist from the start
It sounds like religious lifestyle admonition, at the same time so distant from a secular understanding of a relationship. It bears all the signs of a traditional understanding of gender relations. Let’s lift the curtain off for a while, and peek through at an entirely different stream of thought.
Fasten your seatbelt and dive into the depths of Oriental polygamies.
Your wife, goes on the recommendation, shall know that Islam does not permit multiple wives in all cases. One should be able to afford it financially and bodily! from an equality point of view, in the spirit of the aforementioned Qur’anic verse. Islam, goes on the prolonged musings of a sheikh, has forbidden adultery but allowed for more than one woman. Clearly, many men for a woman is considered a sin. Forget it, dear Muslim women, in case you’d like to be religiously compliant. Curiously, the argument here also states something astonishing – “forbidding polygamy, says the venerable theologian, is an oppression for both men and women”. It, turns out, pushes people to adultery.
“Then, rhetorically, the advice unfolds along a line of questions. Which is better for a woman – to live alone or to live with a man and his other women to be taken care of? Which is better – to have some legal wives, or one legal wife and many illegal lovers? Which is better for a widow – to remain alone or have the right to be taken care of by a man, together with his other wives? Moreover, a woman might be sterile – so what then, shall we deprive a man of the joys or parenthood? She might also contract a chronic disease, say, paralysis, and not be able to serve her man. Instead of divorcing her, he could simply marry another one alongside and thus save the relationship. And again, reproductive powers of a man are far stronger than those of a woman – he would be able to do it even after the sixties of his age, while the case with a woman would be somewhere until her forties. The second wife seems to be a relief of the duties of the first one.” Ultimately, all boils down to the perennial religious argument – polygyny, says the reply, – has been allowed by God himself, and who would be more knowledgeable on the things which are good for human beings?
While scrolling through the Arabic original of the answer, I was not at all sure about the persuasive value of all this on your partner.
My curiosity is burning hot to observe the success of argumentation in this case.
Something along the lines of “Hey, honey, you know what I found? Polygyny in Islam is not that bad, see… better have some additional wives openly rather than you only, and then many affairs…”
But the online portal remains mysteriously silent on it. In the standard setup of this type of digital consultancy you never go for a follow-up.
So, you see, if you are determined to live off your life in one of the multiple definitions of polygamy, and youwant to justify it, there are many ways to do it. Not sure, however, whether you’d prefer it under most of the traditional conditions under which it is regulated and exists in the Middle East and Africa. They seem quite unilaterally interpreted as polygyny. Hence the public outrage in such cases as the Jordanian woman in 2014 from al-Ramtha. She was found to live in a polyandry setup involving a Jordanian, two Syrian men, and a Saudi Arabian. Each of them denied to have known that she was married to another, and had claims over her pregnancy.
But – hold my beer! – in case you want to ascribe it to Muslim majority areas only, the outcome might be surprising.
One-in-five USA citizens also thinks that that polygamy is morally acceptable – and this percentage has increased three times since 2003. Something is going on, and most definitely has little to do with Islam or the Middle East.
–By George Ali
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