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‘Sugar dating’ – what is that? Meeting in a cafe and eating sweet desserts together? Nope! Far from it.
‘Sugar dating’ involves two people of different ages and wealth levels. The so-called ‘sugar baby’ is a pretty woman in a relationship with a much older and richer man. A ‘sugar daddy’ keeps her in exchange for sex. If you think such arrangements are rare, then you are mistaken.
Sugar Dating
‘Sugar dating’ is a new name for an old and well-known phenomenon. In the past, young women who paid with sex for gifts, an apartment or going on vacation were called ‘keepers’, and their chosen ones – ‘sponsors’. Today, the terms ‘sugar baby’ and ‘sugar daddy’ are used more and more often to describe the two “parties” involved. But is their relationship as sweet as the name suggests?
On average, a sugar daddy is a man in his 50s or older, while the sugar baby is a pretty girl in her 20s. The very term “sugar” suggests that money is involved. That’s no small detail, because what distinguishes a sugar daddy from a man just trying to date a much younger woman is his impressive bank account. Wikipedia defines sugar dating as “mutually beneficial relationships characterized by the exchange of support (financial or material) for companionship and attention”.
The terms “sugar baby” and “sugar daddy” are derived from Anglo-Saxon culture. These euphemistic expressions reveal the whole point of “sweetening” each other’s life in a relationship of two people bound by a real or implied contract. Baby’s “sugar” is her youth, beauty and consent to sex. A man’s “sugar” is his money and his willingness to give presents. The use of the words “baby” and “daddy” emphasizes that this relationship is not an equal partnership – it is a system based on financial and sexual co-dependence. Romanticism and real feelings are non-existent except in a simulated manner. Sure, in rare exceptions, there can be room for some tenderness in a sugar relationship – but that’s a bonus, not a rule.
Hashtag #sugardaddy trending on TikTok
“He buys me Chanel, takes me to Hawaii, pays for my nose job, and we go to Paris together. I love my sugar daddy!” Such captions are easy to come by in social media, as pretty “sugar babies” have begun to openly show how they use someone else’s wealth. In fact, they have made these types of videos an international trend today.
Videos recorded by women who are in relationships with much older and richer men are becoming increasingly popular on TikTok. Under the hashtag #sugardaddy, one can find as many as 2.2 billion videos on this social media platform alone. 2.2 BILLION! Incredible…
Sugar babies who boast about being companions of rich guys in exchange for a luxurious life, undoubtedly have their five minutes of online fame.
It is not difficult to guess what an average sugar baby’s day may look like. However, – a trigger warning – if you’ve never come across this type of online content before, take a deep breath before watching one of the “sugar” videos for the first time. The reality (as presented online) is still astonishing. There is breakfast in a king-size bed of a luxury hotel, terrace with a sea view, a private fitness trainer, a spa treatment and a refreshing dose of Botox. Lobster and champagne for lunch. In the afternoon, the schedule includes shopping in a Chanel or a Dior boutique, a helicopter flight to places frequented by the ‘creme de la creme’ of society, and finally dinner in a restaurant where an average Joe could only afford water.
The top-notch sugar babies of Dubai seem to be particularly eager to show what they spend “daddy’s” money on. They make it look like a quick trip to the grocery store, kind of like “I’m just going to get the new Louis Vuitton ‘Bella Bucket Bag’ for 3,200€. Will be back in five minutes!”. Easy routine, no jumping up and down, no excitement. There is even a noticeable hint of weariness and the obligatory hashtag #mysugardaddypaidforit
Sometimes words are superfluous. Many sugar babies simply post pics of their high-street luxuries and add some upbeat background music, such as the chorus of Qveen Herby’s song. Her “Sugar Daddy” hit song is about a rich sponsor showering the singer with gifts (“He love me, he give me all his money / That Gucci, Prada comfy / My sugar daddy”). Qveen Herby doesn’t give a damn about people judging and criticizing her morale (“If it’s my right to taste the riches of the earth / These bitches better let me work”).
Exactly the same narrative beats from the videos on TikTok. Women (and occasionally also young men) do not seem to care about the values or opinions of the viewers. Why is that problematic? It’s devastatingly demotivating for naive teenagers. The insta stories of popular sugar babies collect hundreds of thousands of hearts. Because of those show-offs, a statistical middle / working class young girl, who spends her free time watching such videos, feels even greater disparities between her own surroundings and the high-life she sees on her phone. She quickly harbors the desire to get money just as easily and live just as lavishly, without investing into education or a 9-to-5 day job.
Sugar Business
Sugar dating can be a lucrative business idea for a young, attractive woman who is not financially independent, has problems paying the rent or struggles to reconcile study with work. Thanks to the money of her older partner, life can become a fairy tale. “Daddy” will buy jewelry, sexy high heels and underwear, take a girl on an exotic vacation, a weekend in the most expensive SPA or for dinner in an exclusive hotel. In many countries, it is no longer a taboo and is considered one of the available forms of dating.
Uncountable sponsorship platforms have emerged in the last decade. Their goal is to connect wealthy older men with young women in order to engage in sexual relationships over a longer period of time (as compared to one night stands and casual encounters). Sites such as Sugar Daters or Gold Bikini Club do not complain about the lack of interest – neither from girls, nor from men looking for an adventure and an attractive lover, whom they will repay for the sexual availibility.
Many women emphasize that they prefer sponsorship sites to the still popular Tinder. On Tinder, sex is just as often the expected form of “pay” for a date, and unpleasant experiences are very common.
Sponsoring portals differ from other dating websites with a clearly marked element of the transaction. Users say that on sponsoring portals no one offends them, does not treat them rudely or bluntly. Sponsors registered on the website are bound within the arrangement by clear rules as well as culture, chivalry and courtesy towards the girl they are dating. Men often define in advance what they are prepared to give and what they expect from their young partner in bed. Women who meet them give their partners ratings – taken into account by subsequent potential sugar babies.
Making Fun Of Sugar Babes
The tiktok trend #mysugardaddypaidforit is also used for parodies and multitude of jokes about “plastic sugar dolls”.
Parodying is becoming more and more popular. Some people go a step further and “teach” how to attract a rich man to you. One of the most popular “STEM” educators, or ‘Sugar Baby Training Education of Money’, is Mia Dio.
Every day this American girl shows how to organize a sugar life the way one would go about a regular business idea. Most of her “advice” goes beyond the limits of decency and absurdity, as she is clearly joking. Unfortunately, some viewers (among her five million followers), might not always understand irony.
This dose of humor helps to remove taboos from sex work and relationships in which the balance of power is strictly defined in advance.
Is It Sex Work?
According to psychologists and sociologists, sugar dating is only one step away from prostitution. A typical sugar daddy pays for sex. Since he sponsors the girl, he feels entitled to indulge his desires, in terms of quantity and quality. A sugar baby, on the other hand, is rewarded with expensive gifts for her company and for fulfilling all daddy’s desires in bed. Sounds like a classical ‘sex for money’ exchange, doesn’t it? Interestingly, neither sugar daddies nor the sugar girls admit that sugar dating, strictly speaking, is a form of sex work and exploitation.
According to an article by an anonymous “sugar daddy” (as published by Business Insider) people tend to equate sugar girls with prostitutes. Based on his 10 years of experience sponsoring women, that’s not how he sees it. To him, a sugar relationship is more like a self-arranged, temporary marriage.
A sex worker typically meets several men a day and makes a living this way. By contrast, a sugar baby doesn’t offer paid sex to multiple customers but enters an exclusive relationship with a rich man she can get along with. What she expects is exactly what a long-term girlfriend or wife would get from her wealthy partner. She might have a job that pays the regular bills, so money from sugar dating is for luxuries.
This lifestyle is wildly popular among young women (and increasingly more often – young men). According to surveys conducted at various colleges, between one sixth and one fifth of female students admit to living with a sponsor. For many pretty girls, sponsoring and taking advantage of the opportunities offered by a sugar daddy means paying off their student loans, a better lifestyle and a chance to taste the “la dolce vita” of movie screen celebrities. Afterall, who would not want to post a photo while drinking champagne on a yacht in exotic destinations? We live in a world where prestige, expensive brands and showing off with a lavish lifestyle are ‘en vogue’. Therefore, the sugar babies culture is flourishing and might be here to stay.
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