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More Than Two – A Common Fantasy: When it comes to sexual fantasies, the idea of making love with more then one person at the same time is probably one of the most common, but it’s also rather controversial. In fact, we know that in reality three in bed is a thing which does not happen frequently, even though most statistics show that participating in a threesome is desired by many. Where does this discrepancy come from? Why it is so hard for people to make their erotic dreams come true?
As usual, one obstacle is the moral standards, imposed by religious stigmatism. Even today, our civilization, our view on sex is still and has been heavily influenced by the doctrines which religion has been holding above our heads for centuries.
In a book on sex matters, the sexologist Shannon Ethridge claims that: “The concept of multiple sex partners is the Devil´s doing“ because, after all “In the Genesis it is written that God designed marriage such that a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife, and they shall become one flesh. But of course, Satan is never satisfied and he refuses to leave people, God’s creation, in peace. Luring people into polygamous relationships was Satan’s first attempt to destroy God´s perfect plan – sexual intimacy between one husband and one wife. In other words, to have sex and stay safe from Satan´s bad influence, we need to choose one person for marriage, for life, and for this we must have the permission of the Church.
Furthermore, to demonstrate that having multiple partners is no fun at all, she discusses King Salomon’s case. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. What a round number! I ask myself whether he stopped at one thousand on purpose just for him to be able to say: “I have 1000 women”. Anyway, despite having all these women, he wrote:
“Useless! Useless!
Completely useless!
Everything is useless…
Everything is boring.
So boring that you don´t even want to talk about it.
Words come again and again to our ears,
but we never hear enough,
nor can we ever really see all we want to see.”
Apart from the Church’s ideology, another barrier, which couples face, despite their willingness to participate in a threesome, is jealousy. Every couple knows, even the ones who have established a great deal of trust in their relationship, that this sentiment can always show its green head at any moment. Having said that, it is not difficult to imagine that sharing something as intimate as sex with someone you know or you don’t know, can cause feelings of betrayal, of being somehow excluded, and therefore, may provoke anger and/or sadness.
That’s why, before trying something completely new, something like a threesome, the first step is obviously to discuss the matter with the partner. The major focus should be on what could eventually upset the other and whether the scenario, which one of them has in mind, will be enjoyable for both partners. For example, there stands the question whether the third person should be a man or woman. Is kissing allowed? What about penetration? Blow jobs? The possible variations are really only limited to the boundaries of the fantasies one has in mind, so setting some rules before it starts is the best thing to do. By the way, it’s important not only to set rules to enforce limits, but also to discuss what turns you on. For instance, in the scenario in which your partner has sex with a stranger, are you only watching, or do you prefer to get involved too? After all, sex is one of the best ways for a couple to have fun, and it would be silly to spoil a threesome because of lack of planning. Also, you should always keeping in mind that your partner comes first. That is why, one should always make sure if he or she is having a good time. It is essential to call it off if someone is not enjoying it or is feeling a sudden rush of jealousy or unease. It’s always possible that what has been planned and discussed beforehand to turn out not that great and exciting as presumed.
The next step is looking for the third participant. At first one might think that finding the right person to take part in a threesome with your partner is very hard, but actually there are many ways to go about it. Surely, a lot of people, if not the majority, prefer to have a more established and traditional approach towards sex, but nevertheless the options are many. The couple could choose a direct approach to someone in a place like a club, for instance. In every city there are regular sex-themed nights where other single people or couples are very likely to share your fantasies. If not, a good alternative is publishing in specialized magazines or on strictly reliable online platforms. Yet another option is to hire sex workers.
Trying to involve a friend is a slightly different matter. In a way, it’s more risky, because a rejection could also lead to damaging the friendship or to unpleasant confusion and embarrassment.
Once the couple has found the third person, is always a good thing to have some fun before you begin, to do something enjoyable for the three participants in order to break the ice mentally and physically, like having a bath together or some massage. Never forget to wear sexy underwear. If everyone agrees, sex toys and even SM objects can be involved: like handcuffs, whips and so on.
What about the aftermath? Maybe, at this point, the best thing to do is to give priority to your partner, offering cuddles and other small appreciative gestures. By the way, if the man has to ejaculate, it’s also better to do it with his partner. By doing so, the third party will probably understand that is not a good idea to prolong the meeting more than necessary, if not invited, especially because the couple will need some time on their own to discuss if the experience has been pleasurable.
If the right approach is applied, a threesome could be a great addition to the sex life of couples no matter how long they have been together.
-Text By Daniel De Luise
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