Charles IV, Fidel Castro, Lord Byron, Gene Simons, Charlie Sheen, Julio Iglesias, Jack Nicholson, Picasso, Casanova – what is common between these men, who have entirely different occupations and are of different ages and morals?
Of course, they are all famous or notorious womanizers. The question is if it is a good or a bad thing?
The word “womanizer” appeared in the English language around 1800. Its first meaning was “too effeminate”, and later was somehow changed to “a man who chases women”.
I am not entirely sure about the meaning of the word today since women have started chasing this particular kind of man and actually ruined the game for them.
In the dictionary, a womanizer is defined as “a man who is emotionally unavailable due to patterns of dysfunctional love”. It might be true, and yet, the opinions collected for the purpose of this article are quite different.
Naturally, women would characterize them as insincere, charismatic, totally irresistible, seductive to a point where the woman cannot refuse, focused on the sexual part of the short-lived relationship, highly intelligent and entertaining, able to talk about anything of interest to a woman. According to sociologists, are two types of womanizers: cheaters and players.
For me, personally, and from my own experience, a womanizer is a man like any other, but not quite. His enormous ego needs to be fed because it deflates easily. These men have been broken at some point by a stronger and unforgiving woman – the mother, imposing “mother issues” on them, the first love cheating on them, insecurities fed to them by society at different stages of early childhood or adolescence.
Under the layers of absurd and breathtaking confidence, one can barely see a wounded person who needs affirmation of his qualities through the number of women he has bedded and the difficulty of the task. “Challenge accepted!” as Barney Stinson would say.
Maybe that is why they are so irresistible – every woman feels like she will be the one to open his heart to love. Because… well, what a womanizer is best at is making a woman feel special, desired, appreciated, listened to, comforted, and well satisfied in bed. He would give her the most desirable version of a man, but for one night.
However, if the woman is repeatable, they might decide to keep her and call on her whenever they desire. I was in love with one, I made him fall in love with me and I have a child from him. We were separated due to unfortunate circumstances beyond our control.
Judging from the many opinions of women I collected, the womanizer is either totally adored or hated. I suppose this variability exits down to the expectations from a man who promises you the sky and the moon but did not explicitly state, that the woman can hold the universe only for a short while.
If he decides to be honest, the “opportunity” might run away, so few will tell you straight away that it is a one-night stand and then “We shall see” and “I’ll call you.” Yet, a clever woman must see the red flags and either go for it or leave it. A not-so-bright woman will not see the warning signs. The latter is usually easy to conquer, hence – she’s not a challenge.
I had a great conversation with a man who is interested in women, but would not call himself a womanizer. He gave me a deeper insight from a male’s perspective.
Q: Is a womanizer a good or a bad thing?
A: A womanizer is not what one would call a gentleman. He is someone who likes to play games, use certain power techniques and charisma to seduce women. So, here we have played a game versus an honest approach. Maybe some women need exactly what a womanizer offers, maybe they are in such a place in their lives when he is needed.
Q: So it also depends on the woman?
A: Definitely. Naturally, some women are open to the way a womanizer approaches them and it again depends on the timing in their lives and then the woman is possibly looking for such a contact. It can also happen to men, you know, with seductresses. In these cases, women are happy to have someone to play with them, but I’ve met lots of girls who’ve shared their experiences with womanizers. They’ve fallen into the trap, so to say. And then, there are cases, where the womanizer comes as a “cure” so to speak.
Q: Is it more about the game or the prize?
A: I imagine, for a womanizer, the trophy is the main goal because it builds his self-esteem. Failure is not an option, however, the game is very important, too. For them, it’s about gaining power over a person, playing with that power while already looking for what comes next.
Q: Why are men afraid of catching feelings?
A: I believe that it’s our genes, past experiences, previous lives, history, and upbringing. Men are still raised to believe that they have more freedom and that, with attachment, they are giving up something special. This is a process, which can’t be changed in one generation. I’m convinced that, from a sexual perspective, we are not meant to be with one person for life, but we are put into a certain frame of mind by the church, schools, institutions, society’s morals, which determine who we are. And that’s not who we are.
Q: Do looks matter?
A: Of course they do, but I would define looks like the exterior plus the interior which affects the surface.
Q: How do you approach women?
A: I am rather the opposite of a womanizer. I am very empathetic, I’m interested in what people say and feel, no matter whether they are men or women. Obviously, with women, there are certain things you bring into play – I have a nice smile, I have a good sense of humor and I would say I am kind of intelligent – I am no dumbass –, I have no pickup lines, I don’t undermine the woman’s dignity and I play no games. With empathy you can be a good partner, you can understand what a woman wants during sex. It all depends on the situation and what the woman needs. It’s always good to keep your values in check, to know what you want and to be clear about your intentions, to avoid wrong expectations.
Q: Are women changing for the better or the worse?
A: There are terrible things happening to women around the world, but having a contract about having sex with your partner like in Sweden just builds walls between men and women and this is not good. In general, I think women are not changing in a bad way and emancipation is not a bad thing.
Q: Could you share one of your Christmas wishes with us?
A: We, as human beings, should start opening our eyes to what we have in this world, to make the most of it, instead of waking up with thoughts about why there are two toilets, instead of three and causing insignificant problems for other people, wondering whether you are insulting the woman by opening the door for her and so on. I wish we understood that there’s so much for life.
There is, indeed.
The women I interviewed (W1, W2, W3, W4) have rather opposing opinions:
W1: A womanizer is neither a male whore, nor a selfish egocentric bastard looking for a quickie who treats a woman badly.
Ne is not that asshole one can find in the pub with his male friends, slapping occasionally the waitress’s ass. He is an intelligent, charming, sharp-minded person who knows exactly what he wants and how to achieve it and has the potential to make any woman feel special and desired for her and his own pleasure.
Such men do have many skills and knowledge in various fields, so they are capable of keeping a lively conversation going and engaging the attention of most women.
They are skilled lovers and a true womanizer looks forward to pleasing the woman as much as to please himself – that builds up his self-esteem. Most of them become loyal and devoted fathers and husbands.
W2: There is something weird not right with these men. It’s the fear of commitment that makes them run as soon as the woman shows some signs of “catching feelings”, act deceivingly, and hurt the woman they have conquered, leaving her with the wrong impression. That promise “I’ll call” never happens and the woman’s self-esteem is crushed. Not the men for me.
W3: I had a relationship with a womanizer. At that time I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship and I was brokenhearted, so I welcomed this connection, where I felt cherished for a while, then left to do my things. I knew he had women all over the place, but it never bothered me because while I was with him, I knew he was with me only. I guess it was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time of my life.
W4: I admire how they have mastered the art of lying so sweetly. I am not saying it is right because it’s quite sleazy, really. But the fact that there are so many women who believe in a heaven for eternity says a lot about those women, so the womanizer is not the only thing that is wrong in this equation.
With their immaculate looks, perfected manners, attention to detail, charm, and sophistication, womanizers are magnets for women. They do not want to take your wife, no. Some actually do the woman a favor, according to many women, they make her feel appreciated and start looking after her needs, her looks, her interests.
Others despise them exactly because of that, the lies and the empty promises. Plus, there are many women who do not like sharing. Most men do not like sharing either. “Mine is mine, yours is ours” is not always true.
Do the broken hearts womanizers leave? Well, a woman should know what she’s getting into. As much as they believe they will manage to scratch the impenetrable surface of that alluring exterior, there can be only one, if that is even an option.
– Text by Geri Decheva