Before we dive into the subject, it would be nice to step back and ponder a bit on what “a good person” and a “bad person” is. We are being fed the illusion that there are good people and bad people, but truth is no one comes to this world bad and evil. People are what they are filled with from a very young age by family, kindergartens, schools, peers. We all undergo development in many directions and a well-behaved child does not always mean a good child.
There are bad people, no doubt about that, but someone made them bad, someone watered and fed the evil in them and most of the time it’s their family. We cannot just go about and point at people and label them as such and such. We all have virtues and we all have vices. The point is which of those constitute our core beliefs and standards and that is something not visible to the eye.
That said, let’s look at the most common characteristics of a “bad boy”. Books have been written, songs have been sang, movies have been made and the girl always falls for the bad boy. Nice guys wonder: “Why would she not fall for me, but for that scum?”
It’s not that they are all handsome and irresistible. It’s not their looks that attract women, not always. It’s the confidence they carry their looks with. These men believe in what they are, they know who they are, what they want and are not in the least trying to fit in anywhere, nor to go along with the rest or adopt other people’s behavior just to be liked by pretty women. They are not and will not be like the rest.
What sets them apart is that no matter now sinful they appear to be, they have made the not so easy decision to be genuine. The key words are authenticity and honesty about who you really are. These men might get in fights, drink, smoke, talk little, refuse to share the general enthusiasm for St. Valentine’s romantics, they might not be into grand gestures of love and devotion, they might be dismissive or arrogant, they might be covered in tattoos and listen to loud music, but that is how they stand out from the “nice boys”. Nothing with them is sure, nothing is predictable, they are not the men who will always be there for you (but might turn up when you need them most), they will not say sorry thousands of times, but they will show a woman when and if they are truly sorry. They will not go for the I-love-you phase too soon, if ever. And what women (people in general) want is what we cannot have easily, if we are meant to have it at all. We can’t have them – we want them. That’s one perspective.
It’s like bad boys don’t give a flying fuck about anything, but come on, do you believe that? Really? It’s just that these men don’t go about sharing emotions and pouring their hearts out left and right. They will be silent, even cold, till a woman finds a way for them to open up, and that is a challenge. A challenge – that’s what a bad boy is for most women. The nice boy… well, he will always be there, he will follow the rules, the healthy living, he will offer the romantic gestures, he will become way too repetitive and predictable and boredom will settle in. A woman does not and will never fall for a man who is ready to cater to her every wish on the spot and I will clarify that later. That guy becomes a good friend. A woman’s friend zone is full of men who offer a shoulder to cry on, men who will agree and say yes to all she needs, but no woman wants an obedient servant for a partner. She needs a person who can provoke her with some mystery, with something beyond the expected, she doesn’t want someone to run after her, she needs to be told “no” from time to time because that’s what living out of the box is, and for many women it is thrilling.
In many cases, a woman with her caring nature, might sense a void behind the arrogant talk and the impressive confidence, and she would go digging for the nerve and cure that nerve, fill that void. Bad boys have played a lot, and in order to learn how to keep their distance, one has to have been played a lot, too. These metal bars, this wall even around them and the resolute refusal to fit in the norm and to be driven along the paved tracks of what is “normal” – that attract a woman. Like moths to the burning light.
A girl with a “decent upbringing”, good manners, proper language, clothing, style, trained in “virtues” and told how her life has to play out… that’s another story. These girls might have been kept in the dark, might have been groomed for a comfortable marriage and the right way to water the flowers and arrange their homes, but in all of us there is that naughty rebel, the subconscious curiosity, which some call “my inner voice”, that makes us go check what’s so disgraceful about a man having tattoos and wearing a hoodie and not spending too much time in front of the mirror. No woman wants a partner who stands in front of the mirror longer than she does. The nice girl, who blushes when she says “bottom” or “damn”, is curious to check for herself and often falls for the guy who passes her by without looking back at her, in his sweaty t-shirt with the gym gear hooked casually on his fingers. Because bad boys do sports. They might not be fanatics, but they are no couch potatoes, too.
Now, the nice boy might not always be a good person after all. Speaking from personal experience, all straight men eventually want the same – to get the girl. Flowers and constant attention, candles and cooking dinner – all grand things. The question is: is the nice guy truly nice (that a woman understands quickly by the way he treats the waiter, his colleagues, other women) or is he nice to her only. A genuinely good person will be kind to everyone and believe me, a woman senses from miles if a guy is good to her for a reason or if he’s just that great person who is upfront enough to share what he wants from her.
Bad boys always win over nice boys who overdo it. Being a gentleman, being kind to a woman is one thing. Crawling in front of her and licking the ground she steps on is a completely different story. Boys, women hate crawlers. They creep them out. Buy those flowers, but don’t tell her how to arrange them in the vase and how often to change the water. You can buy her those shoes, but do not go to such lengths to put them on her feet (she might not have shaved her legs, after all) and please, do not try to wear them for her. Text her, reply to her texts, but refrain from texting at the remarkable frequency of 15 minutes, stating how you still miss her and how you still love her. Make her need you. Make her wonder. Do not put all your cards on the table, ever. Do not mention your mother quite too often, although she might be a great person. Most importantly: a truly nice guy never keeps count on the nice things he’s done for a woman. “Do you remember when I did this and this for you? And what have you done for me?” Playing the guilt-trip card in any relationship never works. And if you are rejected after you’ve done unspeakable things with your dignity, which has long sailed with her respect for you, do not go for revenge – she can beat you at that. That is why bad boys win.
If you are a truly nice person, a woman will understand that. If you don’t feel confident in your looks, come to terms with them and work on your confidence. I have met genuinely ugly men who carry irresistible charisma. You know why? The confidence and the “Tell me less” attitude they enter the room with. This is who I am, I am okay with how I look and I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think of me. Mind this: it must not be an act, this is no game, no theater performance – women hate fakes (although they might fake an orgasm or two). It’s a matter of personal evolution, of getting to terms with yourself first and understanding women.
I will give you a small tip every man should know: the basic primal female feeling is fear, the fear for ourselves, for our children, for our safety. If your woman is assaulted, do not run to call the police and wait for someone else to solve the matter. Protect her with all you have. A bad boy will win here, although he might break a rule or two, but will UNbreak her wounded heart and provide the security you never offered because you played it like a coward. Don’t be the pussy in the relationship.
Surprise her, keep her on her toes, make her toes curl when you make love to her, be spontaneous, keep the mystery alive, go with her whims and romantic suggestions, but why wait for her to sit you at the table and light all those candles and arrange all those cushions? Think ahead, take her for a night ride, take her to the beach at sunset, swim with her naked, give her all that excitement, which does not require anything else, but being yourself. Well, if you are both for a nice evening at home in front of the television, this article was not for you.
An affair with a bad boy can develop both ways – he either chooses the woman and she takes him with all his flaws and lives with the knowledge that she will live in constant rollercoaster of emotions, or she leaves tired of adventures and goes back to being the nice girl, groomed for a comfortable life with a nice guy who would make her several kids and the niceness will be gone as soon as her tits start sagging a bit after breastfeeding.
The alpha man provides the comfort of his strength. Maybe for a while, maybe for longer, maybe forever. I have seen monsters under the exterior of nice men and real Teddy bears under the impenetrable shell of bad boys. In a nutshell: Bad boys tend to show their vices first and a woman has to dig for the virtues, because everyone has them, while nice guys tend to show their virtues first and involuntarily reveal their vices, because everyone has them. It all comes down to whether you can live with the person just as they are.