Through the Back Door – On Anal Sex: According to different statistics, anal sex is among the most viewed categories on porn sites. The reasons for this popularity are various. Surely, one reason is that it probably is not so common. Therefore, watching a porn video about it is used by many as a substitute for real anal sex. Others, believe it or not, want to gather as much information about the topic as they can. In fact, today the reality is that talking about anal sex is still taboo. The consequences of that are confusion and misconception.
It seems that this practice for many holds a different meaning than a simple sexual act between two lovers: anal sex is viewed as pleasure, submission, power struggle, pain, humiliation or a tool to get something in return. The reasons why so many people, mostly women, cannot associate it with something pleasant seem to be quite vague, but actually, they are not.
In order to dissipate some of the doubts surrounding this question, we decided to carry out some anonymous interviews. The first person who agreed to talk with us is an Italian painter, known by his pseudonym – Carbo’.
Carbo’ is known for his art related to passion and emotions, especially focused on sex matter.
The artist describes himself as “eccentric and a real sex artwork” because of his life dedicated to experiment and travel.
Q: I’d like to ask you what you think of anal sex in general terms, and what aspects of it you like the most.
A: Starting from the statement, I consider the mind to be the most sexually excitable part of the body and anal sex is so exciting because it is strictly related to the submission-domination dynamics in sex. Those are typically mental, not only physical dynamics. It requires complete trust, which is a very personal feeling, from the person who “gives the ass” to the “dominating” one. That feeling, more than the physical “tight” sensation, is the secret of anal sex. That is the reason why two people, after having had anal sex once, are linked forever by memories of special personal flavor. I have dedicated many of my pictures to sex, some especially to anal sex which I consider the “total sex act”.
Q: Could you tell us more about your pictures, especially the ones regarding anal sex.
A: There is one picture related to anal sex, titled “Raura vista da dentro”. It suggests a typical sense of slipstream compressed in a tight, wet, hot black hole. The shaded colors remind a balanced mix of pleasure and pain that involves and surrounds the lovers. This painting sizes 150×150 cm and was made with oil on canvas in 2001. It was sold to a famous art collection and is actually quoted quite often.
Q: Do you think the topic of anal sex is still taboo, given the fact that very few people are open to talking about it? If so, do you think it should stay taboo?
A: Yes, I think this is, unfortunately, still taboo. Many people are strongly influenced by religions that preach abstinence and deprivation, beliefs that pleasure must be considered a sin. Other people think that in sex there are, on one side, good and, on the other side, bad sexual acts… I think, everything done in the bed without constraints for anybody is a good thing and people must be free to do it.
The second person we interviewed is a woman who, like Carbo´, has a favorable attitude towards the topic.
Q: Who do you think is more interested in anal sex, men or women?
A: I think that is the man because he is more active in sex than the woman. A man also likes to try more than a woman.
Q: Do you think men are more interested in anal sex than women because women are afraid of the pain?
A: Yes, of course, because it can be very painful, actually.
Q: Talking about pain, is this something women feel only the first time?
A: Yes of course the first times it’s very painful, but then some women will like that pain and the sex because they will love the combination. After the first time, my man made me feel a lot of pain, but after that I loved it.
Q: Ok. So, do you think that a woman who likes anal sex also likes BDSM?
A: I think so.
Q: Could you please talk a bit more about your first time?
A: My first time was very painful and after doing it, I was crying because of the pain.
Q: Was it with your boyfriend?
A: Yes, it was.
Q: Could you do it with a person who you don’t know very well?
A: No, because I like to have sex with somebody who has experience. Anal sex is different than vaginal sex. Also, I am not so open-minded. I usually don’t do one-night stands. But if that happens, I ask if he has enough experience.
Q: Can you reach orgasm with anal sex?
A: Yes, I can.
Q: Do you anal-masturbate?
A: No, I don’t.
The third person we interviewed is a woman who has mixed feelings about the topic. She would do anal sex, but not so often and only under certain conditions.
Q: What is your general view on anal sex?
A: Although there is nothing unusual about the topic, most people talk about it only in intimate circles, it is taboo and it is not something that people talk about in places they meet, so I wouldn’t say it’s a commonly discussed topic and I really don’t know if it will ever be. It’s probably a topic of discussion between two people who decide to experiment with different kinds of sex. So, my general view is that everybody is free to have sex in whatever way they want to. I think that most men are very likely to do it, but on the other hand, they don’t understand why many women don’t want to do it. I think it’s the most arguable question between a couple and from my experience and one of the other women, who have shared their opinion with me when it comes to this, men become too pushy and most of the time it reaches a point where they would say: “If we don’t do it, I’ll look for another woman.” When men push for anal sex and threaten, women usually back off.
Q: Why do you think most women don’t like to do it?
A: When a man becomes too insistent, the more they ask the more you don’t want to do it. Most of the time it’s not a matter of being afraid, but it’s a matter of trust. There has to be some kind of dynamics between the couple, there has to be an actual relationship, and as I said, there has to be this trust that he won’t hurt you, that he will stop when it becomes painful and most of all, the woman will be ready to do it much sooner if the man didn’t insist so much. Another reason could be that the woman will feel pain and if she experiences it badly the first time, she will be less likely to do it a second time. So, it really depends who you are going to do it with, if that person is going to take really good care of you, if he’s going to do it for the woman and not for himself only because… honestly… a man doesn’t and doesn’t want to understand a woman’s point of view. Men guard their asses with their life, don’t they? At the same time, they expect women to give their ass freely, with no objection at all. There is a difference between wanting to give it in and receiving it in your own ass. However, the main thing is trust, and the woman has to be absolutely certain that the man will be careful with her.
Q: Do you think that there is a hygienic issue, the fear that women could be seen as dirty?
A: If the couple is close, then no, that is not an issue. That’s why I said anal sex is possible from a woman’s point of view if you are close with the person and if that person has seen you in different situations, you have nothing to be ashamed of. But if you have just started a relationship and the man says: “Ok, give me your ass,” that can’t happen unless the woman is really into anal sex, and there are not many women who are. I have a very good friend who would do only anal sex, but she is the only exception among my friends. A hygienic issue would exist if it’s too early in a relationship, even if it’s only a sexual relationship. I think, if a woman is likely to have casual sexual encounters, she wouldn’t mind being seen in whatever situations. If a woman doesn’t sleep around too much, maybe it would be a problem.
Q: Do you think that there is a psychological aspect regarding anal sex?
A: From a psychological point of view, I can say that this kind of sex empowers men. Most of the time if the man is the first for the woman for anal sex, he claims her, claims the place because she has had other men in the other holes of her body, but if that hole is virgin, that gives the man the power of owning something that she doesn’t give so easily. So, again men are trying to regain self-confidence and self-esteem and it’s not a bad thing, objectively speaking if the woman agrees to it and feels comfortable with it, but if the man wants to make it a sexual routine, he really has to tend to her needs. I think it’s more of a power struggle. From my personal perspective, I do it with somebody I love.
Most certainly, the more people we ask, the more answers we’ll get or we’ll get none at all. It’s also certain that anal sex is and will probably be taboo for most people, especially women because in any sexual relationship pain and discomfort should be inflicted only if agreed between the partners.
– Daniel De Luise
Read more on Through the Back Door… in Diamonds Production Magazine MARCH